Healing Relationships

what it is so careful don't do it chair holds like gotta be kidding me man what what feels kind of weird huh Stephanie what are you thinking I'm feeling right now what do you feel what are you guys thinking anybody what are you doing huh like it feels so out of place right like you can't do that here this is Sunday this is church this is the gathering of God's people what are you doing with a cigarette in your mouth anybody offended anybody like of all the Sundays to invite my neighbor to church I promise they don't usually smoke when they preach he's the weird one it's like but I saw some hands raised was like yeah that that offends me why it's like it's not right that's not why we're here could lead somebody else into sin your body's the temple the Holy Spirit that's cancerous it's gonna make you stink people come up for prayer afterwards you're gonna reek and by the way you ever heard of second hand smoke and second hand cancer there's a lot of reasons to not smoke in church but it's a it's offensive it seems like man I'm appalled that you would even like do that but I would tell you that this is like dwarfed in comparison that what some of us brought into church today that is infinitely you think like lung cancer is bad some of us got heart cancer by unforgiveness like we're appalled it's like man you bust out a cigarette in church what should be like infinitely more appalling and is to the heart of God is like you brought in unforgiveness in your heart to church of all places the place where we sing praise the one who set me free the one who died for our sins our sins that we want to mercy and grace but when it comes to somebody who hurt us like no good God give them justice that's what's offensive this is nothing compared to what God thinks of what we bring in in our heart the unforgiveness that we have towards others to bring that into church that's offensive that's just to get your attention and then flip the script so that we would realize like oh my goodness may it never be so we're the forgiven people of God so we got to forgive others and when we hurt others we need to seek their forgiveness but that's not natural to me so we got to follow the Holy Spirit that's our outline for today as we continue in this how to be well series if you have any complaints about me smoking on stage you can send an email to me Nate Hilkin camp at N Hilkin camp at Harrell Creek dot org the how to be well series we're walking

through the 12 steps of regeneration they're biblically based Christ centered I say there's two kinds of people in this church there's those who go to region and there's those who should it's for everyone it's discipleship and so JP kicked us off the first week with kind of our vertical orientation to God that we are powerless over sin God's all powerful and therefore we trust him with everything our very lives our will everything and then Nate took us last week through steps four five and six which is to take an inventory of ourselves like what are the idols that I'm prone to worship other than God and to confess those and then repent from them by turning towards Christ and then today if that's all the vertical dealings that we have with God to surrender to trust to repent now we're going to get into rubber meets the road in the horizontal relationships that we have with others as we follow the spirit forgive others and seek forgiveness when we have hurt others of the truth is about some I smoked from 18 to 30 and in some way it was harder to quit that. But by the power of the Holy Spirit, I was able. And in the same way, by the power of the Holy Spirit, we will forgive others, no matter what the harm they did to you, what sin they committed against you, no matter how horrific, and we will humble ourselves and seek their forgiveness when we've wronged them. So to begin, and by the way, the bulk of this is gonna be in point two about unforgiveness towards others, 'cause I think it's the deepest cancer that we have in the church, that we have to rid ourselves of and repent from. So, turn to Romans 8, 6, you'll see it on the screen. This is where we'll begin about following the Spirit. It says, "For to set the mind on the flesh is death, "but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace." So, in that passage we've got, if I set the mind on the flesh,

which means I'm gonna do what I wanna do, what comes natural to me? You might think, well, what comes natural to you? The Bible tells us in Galatians 5. We memorize Galatians 5 as the fruit of the Spirit, the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness. We memorize it in Bible study, in Bible school, and all the things. What we don't memorize and what we neglect is the fruit of the flesh, which comes right before the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5. What it says is, what comes natural to us is envy, bitterness, jealousy, strife, fits of anger, rage. Those are all horizontal emotions and actions towards other people when they wrong us. That's what comes natural to us. The Scripture says in Romans 8.6, when you set your mind in accordance to the flesh, it leads to death. Relational death, sin that leads to death, it creates and makes you think about smoking and how you're cancerous and how much I would stink if I did smoke and you came and talked to me, it'd be off putting in characters towards other. That's what it is to be given to the flesh. It's cancer to you. It leads to death relationships with other people. But God doesn't leave us there. He says, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life, not death, and it leads to peace.

Then we would have peace in our relationships as we followed the Spirit, not the flesh. Now, some of you are like, man, I needed you to say this because I've got strife at home with my parents or my spouse. I've got drama at work, drama with my roommates, drama with my classmates, drama on my team, drama with my coach, I wanna offer to you that if you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it. Like I got strife in every area of my life every day. Like I just can't escape it that you might be the drama. The common denominator is you. Because it says right here in Romans 8, 6, that when we follow the Spirit, it leads to life and peace. Therefore, a lack of peace means in those areas, you're not following the Spirit. It's not to say that conflict doesn't happen, that's inevitable, it happens in my household, in relationships. But when it's just marked by it and pervasive, you need to check and see am I following the Spirit, which is our first point, follow the Spirit for healed relationships. We talk about healing our relationship vertically. That's where JP kicked us off in this series. Now we're talking about healing our horizontal relationships by following the Spirit, not doing what we wanna do, but what he wants for us. This past spring break, we went through the Miami airport, our family.

The Miami airport, if you've ever been there, it's an international hub, it's chaos. Multiple planes in and out every minute, because it's international, you go through customs, no matter where you land, you're going through. And it's intense, it's like one of the busiest, if you imagine the busiest shopping day, what is that, Black Friday? It's just chaos, waves of people going in this direction, this direction, people weaving, suitcase, it's just craziness, so I say to the kids, before we get off the plane, and we walk out of the gate, into the terminal, to get on the tram, to go to the other place, I'm like, look, we're about to go into a really busy, crazy place. And we don't know who was there, or what they may or may not do. So here's the rule. As we go through here, 'cause I got two hands, and there's three of y'all, plus mom, plus luggage. If you cannot reach out and touch me, you're too far. Like no matter where we are, we walk out of the gate, we're going through the terminal, we go into the concession stand, we are in the food court, we're at the baggage, luggage return, we're walking through customs, if you cannot reach out and touch me, you're too far. That's how close you need to be, in order to get where we're going safely, so it is in following the spirit.

Like right here, this is good, four o'clock service, this is great, we're gonna have a good hour, And yet it is altogether insufficient for the Christian life. There's 168 hours every single week. And that we would give one hour a week to God and expect from this hour, like, "All right, I'm going to follow you." And the other 167 hours not remain close enough to the spirit that we could touch and just walk safely, destination to destination. So how do we do that by abiding with Him, by walking with Him? We're told to keep in step with the spirit, to not grieve the spirit. We stay in the Word, which is a mirror to our soul. James says that this is a mirror. It shows us when something's out of place. Hebrews 4 says that it's a surgical scalpel to help us. Jesus said, "Sanctify them by truth." Your Word is true, so this is an agent of the spirit to help us keep in step with Him. And then there's others. Like, I see some students here in front of me, and you guys need each other. Like, it says in Hebrews 3.13, "Encourage one another daily." Not just on Sunday, not just to youth on Wednesday, but every single day, and not just for students, for all of us, we need this daily encouragement from each other so that we will not be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. So with all that in mind, we start with follow the spirit, because we're about to do what is unnatural to us, but what is supernatural, and that is the act and the next step, which is forgiveness. So let's read in Ephesians 4, 32, through 5.1. It says, "Be kind to one another." It's not too hard, right? We can do that most of the time, put on a good face. Be kind, tender, hearted.

Okay, Lord, got anything else? Here's where it gets hard. Forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you. Therefore, be imitators of God as beloved children. That word imitators in the Greek, it says memetes. It's where we get the word mimic. God's like, "How I forgave you in Christ, I want you to mimic me as you forgive others, which causes you to think." You should ask the question, "Well, how did God forgive me in Christ? Did he like hold a grudge?" No. Did he make me do penance? No. Did he twist the knife and really rub my nose in it? No. Is he going to make me go to purgatory and like do some time for the crime? No. He just forgave fully and finally. He lavished mercy, which is to not get the justice we do deserve and grace to get the kindness and love that we don't deserve. And he says, "Forgive as God in Christ forgave you. Emitate me. Mimic me." And it's really hard and it's not a divine suggestion. It's a divine command. You know what? I think the most important word in that entire passage is Ephesians 4-32-5-1 is the smallest word. I think the most important word is the smallest word. He says, "Forgive as God in Christ forgave you."

He's like in the same way as so to your spouse, to your kids, to your roommate, to your siblings, as God in Christ forgave you. That is our model. That's our imitation. But there's something more. I'm a visual learner and so I want to walk you guys through this. So I put together a list of my sins and there's a reason why. So I've got this list of sins here and they are mine, but I'm going to read to you Colossians too and you'll see it on the screen. Read this with me. And you who are dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, that's when we're dead in sin, God made alive together with Him, that's Jesus, who died for our sins and rose from the dead, listen, having forgiven us all our trespasses, not some of them, all of them, past, present and future by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands, that every single one of us in the spiritual realm, there's this record of debt that goes on and on and on, all the sins that you have ever committed, record of debt of every sin, I need more hands, this record of debt Every sin you've ever committed, it exists in the spiritual realm. It's like a spiritual rap sheet that Satan has on you. And it says something really interesting. It says that stood opposed to us with its legal demands. Like they did this with Jesus. They put a sign above his head with his alleged crime. Jesus, King of the Jews. Like there's one king, it's Caesar. And they're like, and you're saying you're king, so that's your crime, worthy of death. In the same way, supernatural speaking, Colossians 2 says that we have a list

with its legal demands. What are those legal demands? The legal demands are the wages of sin is death. Satan knows this. He knows that God is holy and fully just and that he cannot be in the presence of evil. Therefore, Satan is the one, the accuser, the condemner, the father of lies, the one saying, they're guilty. John is guilty of drunkenness, smoking, porn, hatred, lying, cheating, greed, he's guilty. And the truth is, he's right. And I deserve death and hell forever more. Except for the fact that God took this decree with its legal demands that said I deserve death and hell, separation from ever from God, and nailed it to the cross of Jesus Christ and said paid and full by the spotless blood of the Lamb who takes away the sins of the world for all who would trust in him and receive eternal life. Yeah, let's go indeed, I see that big smile. I mean, it's such a relief because either this list will be on you or it'll be on Christ, and there's no in between. That's the gospel, that's the good news of Jesus. So with all that huge list there, what if I'm like, well, those are my sins, but what about the people who sinned against me? What about the guy that, when I went to Baylor, busted out my window, stole all my CDs and my radio, and I had to go to a pawn shop and buy back my own CDs

that he stole. I was like, it says, JE on those CDs, they're mine. He's like, prove it. Like, literally had to buy back my own stuff that he stole from me. But what am I gonna do? It'll be like, I don't forgive you, thief. I don't forgive you. When I have been forgiven of this huge of a list, the audacity, that's the smoking, it's like, how dare I have been forgiven of all of this, not forgive this? And God says, forgive as you have been forgiven with the legal decree and its legal demands that stood opposed to you and something like, all right, I'm gonna let you deal with that, because all sin will be dealt with. If they're a believer, their sin's been dealt with at the cross. If they're not a believer, their sin will be dealt with by Jesus at judgment day. And I'm like, yeah, but they lied to me. Jesus is like, yeah, give that to me. You let me deal with that. Look at your list. Yeah, but they hurt someone that I love. It's unjust. Yeah, you let me deal with that. Romans 12 says, it's not yours to seek revenge. It's mine to avenge says the Lord.

So you give it to him and he's gonna deal with it. It was either dealt with at the cross. Again, if they're a believer and if they're not a believer, it will be dealt with finally and forever at judgment day where all sin will be paid for in hell and that should terrify you for them and make you plead on behalf of their soul that they would find forgiveness as well. The second point is forgiven people forgive people. Forgiven people forgive people. How could we not? And yet, I think that's the thing that we brought into this church today that we're guilty of. Smoking in church is nothing compared to the forgiven of church being unforgiving towards other. Forgiven people must forgive people. Here's the reality, if you don't do this, you will either pardon sin or you will be poisoned within. And there is no see. You pardon others sin or you will be poisoned within. It says in Leviticus 19 that you will incur sin on their behalf of what they did to you because a root of bitterness Hebrews 12 grows up and defiles you and others. And it says in Ephesians 4, be angry and yet do not sin. Don't let the sun go down on your anger and so give the devil a foothold. The word foothold is topos. It means a place where a person resides.

That's terrifying. That if we let unforgiveness go a little bit, And so he says, every single day, he's like, clear the accounts every day. Something comes to mind. If you go into bed angry, you just like give it to Jesus. They dealt with it at the cross or you will a judgment day, but I am not going to bed with unforgiveness in my heart to therefore let Satan come and reside with me. If you go to the garden center and be poisoned within the second, what you don't forgive your doomed to relive. Like if I don't give this to Jesus, you hurt someone I love, and this is what I've wrestled with before. I've been like, because that's tough. It's like, do something to me, whatever. Do something to somebody I love. Like now, man, you're on the fighting side of me. It's like, I can't believe that you would hurt them. Like the defender comes out, but what you don't forgive your doomed to relive, here's the problem. Your desire is for justice. You're like, but they didn't get what they deserved because they did what they did to my kid or my wife or whoever. So there's an open loop of justice. That's why it's so unsettling to you. That's why it's got a grip on your heart that you can't forgive. So you're doomed to relive it because you've got this open loop of justice. So what's the answer? You give it to Jesus and you're like, you deal with it. I'm going to have imperfect justice. I can't go wrath of John on them. But you deal with it at the cross or judgment day and you're free, then the loop, the open

loop of justice is closed. It was either paid at the cross or will be in hell. But what you don't forgive, you're doomed to relive and so you entrust it to Jesus. And if this last one is the most terrifying, it says, if you're not forgiving, Scripture says this, if you're not forgiving towards others, then you need to consider if you're even forgiven at all. And that's not workspace salvation. That's not to say like, okay, well, if you forgive someone, then you get forgiven and you'll go to heaven when you die. That's not it. It's evidence. It's fruit from the root of forgiveness. Like if that tree bears the fruit of forgiveness, you can believe that the root is in Christ. If it doesn't, Paul writes and he says, test yourself to see if you're in the faith. Jesus said this in Mark 11. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, that's pretty comprehensive. If you hold anything against anyone, forgive them so that your Father in heaven may forgive you, your sins. And lastly, because unforgiveness can be this like thing where it comes back and just like jumps on you. You're like having a perfectly fine day and then all of a sudden you just get hit with it. Like I believe Satan and the demons like come with these accusations and then just remind you of stuff to try to embitter you and regain that place in you and have you go to bed with the sun going down on your anger to give them a place. So when you remember their sins, what they did to you, the antidote, you remember yours. When you remember their sin, I can't believe they did what they did to me. You remember yours. And it says in Matthew 18, Peter was like, hey, Jesus, how many times should we forgive people?

Let me be generous. Peter was always going big. He's like, how about seven? And Jesus is like 70 times seven, which is to say infinite as many times as they sin against you. Forgive them, Peter. Then he tells a parable, then he says this, and should you not have had mercy on your fellow servant as I had mercy on you? Forgiven people forgive people. So the question is how, how do we forgive? I'll tell you the thing to say it again. I've said it already. But like the method is to just entrust it to Jesus, release the debt to him at the cross or adjustment day, like finally and fully, that is the answer. And yet some of you in this room, and I'm not going to have you raise your hands, but some of you have thought, man, but I just can't forgive myself. People have had that thought, right? I can't forgive myself. I can't believe what I did what I did. I can't forgive myself. It's like, of course you can't forgive yourself. You're the one who committed the sin. What are you going to commit the sin and forgive yourself? In which case, there's no need for Jesus ever to have come. If you were the one that could forgive yourself, well, my goodness, Jesus, why'd you even bother coming? We could have forgiven ourselves. Of course you can't. That is a tool of Satan to whisper to you, how dare you did what you did. You knew better.

You shouldn't have done what you did. You can never be forgiven of that. I just can't forgive myself. but never just some of your sins. He forgave them all if you trusted in him or none if you reject his offer of forgiveness, but there's no some. Jesus didn't die for some of anybody's sins. It's all or nothing with him. Receive forgiveness through Jesus. You can't forgive yourself. But you might say, yeah, but what if they keep doing it? Like what if, what if, you know, they sin against me and I forgave them, but then they do it again? Well, forgiveness and trust are two different things. Let me put it to you this way. Here, Evans got eye contact with me. If he says, hey, John, I want to take Wendy out on a date, can I borrow your car? I'm like, I got you, man, where to date your wife? Good job, have fun. And then he comes back that night, he's like, man. So we're like texting and driving and erect your car. I was like, that's okay, Evan. I've got insurance. I'm not going to charge you the deductible. I'm going to release you of that debt. You're free, man. It's okay, grace.

I'll take care of it. I'll pay the deductible, I've got insurance, it's all right. Well, and then he comes back to me the next day and he's like, hey, you forgave me, right? Be like, yeah, totally. Yeah, I forgive you. It's like, cool. 'Cause I want to take care to the Baylor games. Like, can I borrow your car again? They're like, no, you can't. To which he might say, hey, I thought you forgave me. What kind of Christian are you? You said you forgave me. Like, dude, I totally forgive you. I am not going to charge you the deductible. I have released you from the debt. Now, me forgiving you and trusting you are two different things. So I forgive you, but man, right now, like, I don't know. I'm going to need some time to like restore trust. It's going to be some time for us to like come to a place where I'm like, yeah, believe that you're not going to wreck my car again. Wendy told me you've been driving responsibly. So all right, let me have my keys back so I can actually. You don't trust me to catch. What was that? It's like, it's embarrassing. Forgiveness and trust are two different things. But what about this?

What if it's like-- what if it's like something really bad? What if it's-- what if it's like, yeah, that's cute. You put it on a note card. They lied to you. Somebody broke into your car. But what if it's like something horrific? What if-- this is Coley. Coley does all of our stage in production management. Give a round of applause to Coley. [APPLAUSE] And his wife Miranda right over here, too. What if it's like somebody does something horrific to you? Life-altering. Like, I'm not doing anything. I didn't do anything to deserve this. You know, it could have been the date rape, the forced abortion from the pressure and the boyfriend. It could have been the abuse, family of origin, verbal abuse, physical abuse, alcoholic parent, like, whatever it is. And you're like, man, I-- OK, like, I can forgive them. But it feels a little different. Somebody lied to you, cry me a river, man. This affected my whole life. I don't know. My credit's wrecked. I was homeless for a season. My mom used drugs in utero. Like, I had no choice in this. And I'm just stuck with it.

All right. I'll forgive them because Jesus says forgive them. And then they do something else, as if that's not enough. And these are heavy, by the way. Somebody does something else. And it's like, you got to be kidding me. Man, I forgave you. I forgave you, dad, mom, sibling, ex, spouse. And it's like, what have I do with this? I just got to walk through life with this now that you've hurt me in this way. And I mean, you can see these things really start to add up. This is affecting my life. And for that, they keep doing it. It's life altering. It's horrible. Then you look to the author and perfecter of our faith, who, while he was on the cross, who had been mocked and struck and spit upon and beard plucked out and cross of thorns and flogged and nailed to the cross. And they were hurling insults at him and about to thrust a spear through his side, said in the moment, "Father, forgive them." So like, whatever it is, you give it to Jesus. There's no other way. It's all like, give it to Jesus. It's the only thing that you can do. There's nothing left to be done. Except you're like, yeah, but you still change the cross, man. Well, let me tell you, one of the deepest pains

I've ever felt in life where I wanted to die, truly. I've told you before, I was married previously and my now ex-wife had an affair with a friend. I was in seminary, sitting at my desk, studying scripture, writing papers, and I'm dealing with unforgiveness towards them still, years removed, and the reason why I just found out that they were pregnant with their first child. And here I am, single broke, like lost everything. And I'm still struggling with resentment and hurt and betrayal and unforgiveness in these words were brought to my mind by the Spirit. Jesus said, love your enemies, bless your enemies, and pray for your enemies. So I prayed for them, and I thought, well, if they're pregnant, they probably got a baby registry. And without barely any money, googled their names, found their baby registry, bought them a gift for their baby to be shipped to them, and I put in the note, Psalm 127, children are a heritage and a reward and a blessing from the Lord. And do you know what I found at the cross is the key that unlocks unforgiveness? And from that day, I have not had any ill will towards them at all. It's like, that was the key that unlocked unforgiveness in my heart, and all the weight that I was carrying that frankly they weren't, I'm the one that got set free by forgiving them, forgiven people, forgive people.

I want you to bow your heads, it's an application. Sermon's not over, we still got a little bit. Bow your head, and I want you to clench your fist as tight as you can, like white knuckle tight. Fist are what we use to strike people. Fist are what we use to hold things tightly. Now I want you to just think about who the Lord brings to mind of someone that you have not forgiven. Holy Spirit, bring the people to mind that your people might be free. Everybody got that person in mind, maybe it's more than one person. And now I want you with your head still bowed, I want you to open your hands and feel that relief. All the straining, the muscles being tired, the fingernails digging into your palms, feel that like sweet relief. And just say, "Jesus, I entrust them to you." They owe me nothing. They owe me nothing. I forgive them as you, as you forgive me. Church, you can open your eyes. If you prayed that prayer, if you went through that exercise, I just want you to know spiritual chains just fell. As you forgave, as you made a spiritual transaction and released it to Jesus, like you deal with it at the cross or a judgment day, but I'm not holding on anymore.

I'm not holding the debt. I'm not carrying the weight. I release them. They owe me nothing. You go free. As said, as we follow the Spirit, we forgive others, but now we got other work to do, and this will be short because it's so simple, not because it's easy, because it's simple. It's seeking forgiveness from others, or in recovery circles we say, making amends. And by the way, to overcome any objections. This is not recovery stuff. This is biblical. So everything's got a verse to it. Romans, sorry, Matthew 5, 23 to 24. So if you're offering your gift at the altar, which is to say like worship, like what we're just doing, this was Old Testament, like when the temple was there, as they would go up and worship and bring an offering or a sacrifice. If you're offering your gift at the altar, now we do that through praise, through giving, through worship, through serving. You're giving your gift and there remember that your brother has something against you. You're like coming to worship God and you're like, man, that person's still mad at me. I hurt that person.

It says, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First, be reconciled to your brother and then come offer your gift. Proverbs 6 says a similar thing. It says, if you've been ensnared by the words of your mouth, you said something bad about somebody, you gossiped about them, you slandered them. It says, allow no sleep to your eyes, but go and humble yourself and plead with your neighbor that you might be freed like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter. He's like, don't even go to bed. I don't know what you got going on, but don't even go to sleep. You just go, if you've been ensnared by the words of your mouth, by saying something against your brother, sister, or whoever, and free yourself. And the point here is the redeemed right, the wrongs. Maybe you didn't before you were redeemed, but now we live according to the will of God, which is the word of God, which shows us the way of God. So the redeemed right, they're wrongs. The redeemed right, the wrongs. In our house, we have two phrases that are most often said, the first, and they don't, they seem incongruent. The first is, I love you. We say, I love you all the time. Kids, the parents, parents to kids, sibling to sibling, I kind of have to make them do that one.

They don't quite get it yet. Me to Laura, Laura to me, it's like full of I love yous. Afternoon, before school, drop off at night, before bed, just lots of I love yous. But the second most used phrase is, will you please forgive me? And it seems incongruent, like, well, if you loved them, then you wouldn't be hurting them and need to ask their forgiveness. Well, the reality is this side of eternity, we still sin against each other. And so as much as we love each other, we are also hurting each other. And therefore, we need the redeemed, right, the wrongs, to ask for forgiveness. I'm telling you, this will change your relationships in life. This will change your relationships with your siblings, with your parents, with your grandparents, with your coworkers, with your teammates, with your classmates, with your teacher or professor. This will change everything. Your marriage will never be the same if you will learn to say these words. Will you please forgive me? To humble yourself and ask for forgiveness, the redeemed, right, the wrongs. We don't leave other people wounded because of our wrongs, but rather we seek forgiveness. I had a post-it note on the inside, it's not this Bible, but I had a post-it note on the inside of my first Bible

I ever got when I was just months sober, and then I carried it for years, and it was like two or three years later, 'cause I used to live in Austin, I was back in Austin at a friend's wedding. And they're all hanging out at the hotel pool, getting ready, then throw on tuxes and go be Grimsman. And in there I was in Austin, I was like, "Hey guys, I gotta go, I need to go see somebody." And they're like, "Where are you going?" I was like, "I'm gonna go see our old landlord "from the ranch house that we used to live in, "and I need to ask her forgiveness." And they're like, "What? "Are you serious?" I was like, "Yeah, we used to throw parties there "after we moved out, I damaged the house, "used her utilities, left it trashed, "I need to go ask her forgiveness." And so I went to the ATM again, I'm in seminary broke, I pulled out, I think, $250 cash, stuck in my pocket. I didn't think she'd remember me at Ben years. She had a tourist shop on Congress Avenue. In Austin, and I walk in, ding, ding, like walk through the bell on the door, and I'm thinking I'm gonna have to introduce him. I was like, "Hello, Mrs. Winlan, my name is Jot," and she goes, "Jot!" And it was so happy to see me, which made it so much worse.

I wish she would've hated me or something, then it would've been just. So I was like, "Oh, hi, Mrs. Winlan." And she goes, "How have you been? "How are the guys?" 'Cause it was like me and all these bachelors living this place back when our single days, and I was like, "Well, we're good, "we're here for so-and-so's wedding." She's like, "That's great, what brings you in?" It's like, "Well, by the way, mind you, "her husband was an attorney." And by the way, mind you, when you break into a house that you don't live in, it's called breaking and entering. It's a felony with criminal intent, like if it was premeditated, and I did it multiple times. I knew how to break in, we'd throw parties, I busted out the chandelier, used up the utilities, left it a wreck. It's like, "Go," and I said, "Hey, Mrs. Winlan, "I've come to realize that I was an alcoholic "for many years, and when I was at your house." And I continued to go into your house after we moved out. I'm the one that broke out the chandelier. I'm the one that was throwing the parties, and I know I created a lot of damage. I don't know how much that light cost, and the utilities, and the cleaning fees,

but I've got $250 as a start, and I'll give you whatever else you tell me, "Will you please forgive me?" And I know I don't deserve it, and I handed out the money, and I'll never forget. She just pushed back my hand, and she said, "Oh, I don't know about all that, "but did you say you were an alcoholic?" And I was like, "I was, I'm sober now, "two or three or sober." And she's like, "You know, I know somebody's struggling, too. "Would you be willing for me to give them your number?" I was like, "It'd be so honored." It's incredible, it's incredible. But I was telling my buddy that story, and he goes, "Man, my amens didn't go like that. "My dad treated me terribly all through my life, "and I know sometimes I was disrespectful, "so I went and told my dad, "Hey dad, I was disrespectful as a kid. "Will you please forgive me?" And he just started screaming at me, cussing at me, hurling insults at me, calling me names as a grown man. Now, I was just trying to ask for forgiveness because my amens was terrible. Your amends was right. You owned 100% of your 2%. You owned your part of the problem. You're not responsible for his response.

You're only responsible as far as it depends on you, Romans 12 to be at peace with all people. And if he rejects that, that's on him. You did what you could do. You went and you asked his forgiveness. That actually sounds like an incredible amends that you went and asked his forgiveness though he owned the lion's share of then-solds against you. The redeemed right there roams. And I'm gonna give you a little acrostic 'cause I think it'll be helpful to remember it. If you've been a rat, if you've been a rat against someone, here it is on the screen, or recognize the wrong. Sometimes you go to someone and you're like, "Hey, I'm sorry I hurt you, will you please forgive me?" And they're like, "Sorry, you hurt me. "You have no idea the gravity of what you did to me." Like, "Sorry, you hurt me." That seems kind of small in comparison. But if you say, "Hey, I know when I said that, "that was probably really demeaning and harsh." And I'm sure my tone wasn't right. Like, it's not an excuse, but an explanation. Like, I didn't sleep that night and I think I took it out on you. All of a sudden they're like, "Okay, they understand. "They recognize the wrong." Then A, recognize the wrong, A, ask for forgiveness. Don't say, "Please forgive me."

That's to demand forgiveness with a polite, please attach to it, don't do that. Say, "Will you please forgive me?" Question mark and be silent. It's a really vulnerable thing to place yourself. Like, "Will you please forgive me "and just wait for their response?" 'Cause they may say, "Well, you know what? "Now that you mention it, X, Y, and Z." To which you say, you're right. Because your right stops the fight. Ask them for forgiveness. And then T takes steps to change. So many times we go and say, "Hey, I'm sorry, I did this. "Hey, I'm sorry, I did this. "Hey, I'm sorry, I did this." And they're like, "I know, I know, I get it. "I forgive you, but what I really want "is for you to change." So do that. That's for pinching. You're taking steps to change. You're saying like, "I recognize the wrong. "I'm asking you forgiveness." And here's the things that I'm gonna do so I don't keep doing what I'm doing to hurt you. I'm gonna tell my life group, guys. I'm gonna talk to my accountability, my mentor region. I'm gonna do an inventory to figure out why I did that,

why I took that on on you. 'Cause I don't wanna be that, you deserve better. Will you please forgive me? Ask for forgiveness, take steps to change. So in summary, we follow the spirit for healed relationships, forgiven people, forgive people, and the redeemed write their wrongs. We've been praying as a staff throughout this whole series that this would change our church, that we wouldn't just come here for information, but that there would be transformation. Because if we would take these biblical principles and actually let them out, it'll change your marriage, it'll change your family, it'll change your co-working, it'll change this city, it'll change family of origin. There is nothing that will not be changed as we live this out. And as Jesus said, if as you stand praying, if you realize you have anything against anyone, forgive them so that your father may forgive you, let me pray and we're gonna worship again. And prayer team, if you would, come forward. Father, it's shocking to look at a list of sin and know that it was nailed to the cross with its legal demands that I deserve to, and it's been nailed to the cross. And you've done that for every single person who's trusted in Jesus. And how dare we not then forgive as you've forgiven us.

It's a Lord, do that Holy Spirit work that we would release every debt that we could rightly worship you without Satan having any foothold in our lives. [MUSIC PLAYING]